Everybody looks at me and thinks I am just the average teenage girl who is excepting society. A girl who is taking each day as it goes by, a girl who is waking up everyday going to college like any other girl of my age. But what people don't see is the difficulties and the thoughts I think about and i face everyday from the minute I wake up, to the minute I am laying back in my bed falling asleep.
From the moment my eyes at 5 o'clock in the morning to get up and get ready for college i feel I am going one hundred miles per hour, I feel like I am easing against the world and I am constantly running around thinking I have to do everything fast even though I have enough time and even when I want to be calm I just can't I am constantly on my feet having to be doing something. Having people look at me in the train in the morning thinking why is she so loud and excited at 7oclock in the morning? Through out my day I end up having many ups and downs from going to be really excited to being really low and not wanting to socialise with anyone for reasons I have never been able to figure out? To having people saying rosie what is wrong u was fine a while ago and for my awnser to be I don't know? I always am using the words I don't know over and over again. When ever I want to tell someone a reason I have done something or I get asked a question my awnser is mainly I don't know and this is fustrating because I want to try and tell people but I physically can't get my worlds out that I am thinking which then frustrates me because people then just look at me and think you must have a explaination for what your doing why arnt you talking to me? All I get is nothing from you rosie? All these comments and questions and little things I hear everyday for someone the the world looks on as a normal girl, really isn't a normal girl and actually has FASD. FASD is where when I was little I was effected by alochol whilst my mum was pregnant with me, but people wouldn't no that as I don't have the facial or physical difficulties,
Whilst I'm at college I stuggle to pick up things as fast as everyone else meaning I get frustrated easily and I can get angry and some times when I get angry I can't control my emotions so I end up just crying and people look at me and think she's just attention seeking when really all I want is some help but because I stuggle with acerdemic work and processing people speaking to me I end up falling behind on my coursework so my tutors don't pay much attention to me within practical lessons as I am behind in other aspects but because they can't see my needs and my struggles they look at me as a naughty child and I then just get pushed back even though I am trying my hardest within lessons, which then makes me feel so small within my self and makes me not want to try as I am there thinking to myself why can no one see me trying? But I have realised this is because they can't see my problems I have to face everyday,
Some days I can go from feeling so great to having one thought and feeling like the world is against me and I just want to be myself and not communicate with anyone.
I feel a lot of people don't understand me and they think I'm just some sort of crazy girl who is constantly hyper all the time and a bit of a class clown. But really this isn't the problem it's just the fact is have ADHD.
Through out my life I am constantly feeling like I living on edge not knowing what will come next, feeling what will I have to face today what issue will I have to deal with?
I would say I am quite a bubbly character always wanting to help people, always putting people first and always wanting people to be happy, but whilst I am doing all this I never stop to think about myself and my health so I end up erring myself so stressed out with not sorting my own issues and pribelems out I end up making myself really ill? Even ended up putting my self in hospital as I got diagnosed with pseudoseziures which is caused by stress which I can't recognise? Things like think I can seem to manage and my family get frustrated with this because they can see me doing everything I can but not sorting my own probekems and getting my own life on track but I feel this is just normal. Where to my family who understand me and support me with my needs to have to really strip me back at times because they can see what I can't?
I have had many ups and downs whilst growing up because of people not recognising my needs and over time having many assessments I couldn't even tell what they have all been for as there has been so many always having loads of different people coming in and out of my life who I just end up forgetting and I end up just being another number on there record of data, I have found growing up as a young girl in care with many different needs a very difficult thing to do and expect being bullied throughout my whole school life for being in care and not being like everyone else's and having a brother with a disability people used this against me as it was a weakness and it toook many years and a lot of support from my foster family to help me except what I have around me and that nothing will ever change and I need to show people what I can become and use my past experiences to better myself to be who I am today and I can honestly say even though I have had many issues in my life people would never know as I hide things not because I'm afraid f wha people will say but just because I have issues it don't mean I'm any different I am just as capable as anyone else with just a bit more support and understanding than other people
I would say everyday waking up is a very hard thing for me to do because I can never tell how my day is going to plan out and how I am going to feel throughout the day and how I might react to people that I come across, I always feel very on edge 24/7 and having. To feel like this is a very painful and stressful experianc for myself especially when people around me just can't see my needs. But I have excepted that I am not the normal teenager everyone thinks I might be and that I have a few difficulties but this won't stop me from being the person I am and the things I want to achieve and tommorow I will have the same mindset but knowing I need that extra bit of support and help I won't stop fighting till I get that so I can live my life like any other 17 year old girl.